Bad News I Have a Tumor in my Brain... Good News is I have a Brain After All

(This sketch was done by a neuro surgeon as to describe to me the tumor, since I cannot afford a CT Scan I just scanned the paper that he threw away)

Neuro Surgeon: (Christmas is coming and I need cash to get three more cars which I won't use). We have three ways of going through this:

1. One! We give meds and wait as you suffer an unbearable pain in the head like a thousand needles sticking in and out. Banging on any surface harder than your skull won't help. The advantage is it's cheap and quick depending if you are a pessimist or an optimist. No pain no gain as they say.

2. We go with a $50,000 brain surgery (YES! MONEY!) but there won't be any guarantee that it would do any good, you could even end up worst than what you are now. I play around your brain hoping to remove the tumor. If in case I opened you up and see that the tumor has grown tentacles as in what I drew then I'll stop and put the piece of your head back to what it was, are you crazy? I'm a neuro surgeon not a miracle giver. But in my opinion (cash registry sound) this is the best option, I would give you a 60 - 70% chance. BUT considering you have only one kidney, you have diabetes, you have hypertension and pneumonia... I'd say by the time we put the general anesthesia... your off to a better place. BUT then again its worth a shot (KA-CHINNGGGGG).

3. Number three option is we give you a $100,000 neuro radiation. Its expensive but we won't open your brain, instead we nuke it. There is only one place in the Philippines they have this facility and its VERY VERY VERY far from here. It won't remove the tumor but it will stop it from growing. In a sense it is an absolute waste of your money, why not go with the operation (KA-CHINNGGGG).

(YOU have been warned)